How to Know if Your Partner is the One

Many people come to therapy because they have questions about whether their relationship is right or whether their partner is “the one.” While there are some glaring red flags in relationships (ex: interpersonal violence, repeated violations of trust, etc.), it can be difficult to determine if a relationship is right for you in less extreme situations. Fortunately, there is a wealth of research on relationship outcomes that point to several green flags in relationships:

1.     Shared values and interests. Partners who share beliefs, values, and interests tend to be more compatible and experience greater levels of satisfaction in their relationship. Having shared interests also allows partners to spend fun quality time together. Partners who experience more positive interactions tend to be more satisfied with their relationship than those who experience more negative interactions.

2.     Emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence refers to the capacity to recognize and regulate one’s own emotions as well as the emotions of others. When we are more aware of our own emotions and needs as well as those of our partners, we are better equipped to handle conflict and challenges in a healthy and empathic way.

3.     Trust and respect. Partners who trust and respect each other are more likely to feel secure, valued, and supported in the relationship. These qualities are developed over time through consistency in behavior, honesty, and open communication.

4.     Effective communication. Effective communication involves the ability to express one’s thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and honestly while also being able to listen and respond to one’s partner in an understanding and supportive manner. Effectively communicating can help partners prevent misunderstandings, promote intimacy, and strengthen their bond. It helps couples stay connected and ensures that any underlying conflict can be dealt with promptly and effectively.

5.     Mutual commitment to making the relationship work. It bodes well for relationships if both partners are on the same page in terms of their commitment to the relationship and its future. This baseline level of commitment allows couples to weather storms with the goal of resolving them and moving forward together.

6.     Giving each other the benefit of the doubt. Couples who interpret each other's behavior in positive ways generally have a better chance at long-term success than those who attribute blame and negativity to each other's actions.

7.     Managing conflict effectively. Conflict in relationships is inevitable and may appear early on in small or large ways. Couples who can settle their differences in effective ways, through apologizing, agreeing to disagree, or compromising, have an improved chance at long-term success.

8.     Mutual generosity and acts of kindness. When partners are generous with each other with their energy and kindness, they are essentially saying, "You matter to me and I'm motivated to make you feel good."

Therapy can be immensely helpful in exploring the many nuances central to the decision of whether to stay with a partner. If you are interested in therapy for relationship stress or therapy about relationships, we are happy to help. Contact us for a complimentary consultation within the next week. We provide virtual therapy in Cambridge, New York City, Connecticut, and Boston.